Feelings Are Paramount.
You can't have the rug pulled out from under you and not feel anger and confusion and grief. Jaclyn told me once: "I don't know how to make the mad go away." She came to me with not only a list of grievances, but also with deep anger about being wronged. And judgments about those who had wronged her, including her birth mother. In the beginning, I recoiled from those outbursts and tried to make her understand a different perspective. I though I could somehow talk her out of her anger. The truth was I felt uncomfortable with the depth of her rage. What I didn't get was that it was hers, not mine, and only she could find the key to releasing it. Forgiveness, if it ever comes, is only hers to bestow.
The materials for this course have been reprinted with permission from the book Adoption Parenting: Creating a Toolbox Building Connections, edited by Jean MacLeod and Sheena Macrae Copyright © 2006 EMK Press, all rights reserved. The complete 520 page book covering all aspects of becoming and being an adoptive family is available at Amazon.com.